In Defense of the Nice Guy


Three weeks ago I posted about being torn on whether or not to keep exploring a relationship with the “nice guy”. At that time, I recognized that I don’t really trust my own instincts, and wasn’t sure if I was really feeling it or forcing it. I shared my discomfort with him being ten years younger than me. And I glossed over the fact that I wasn’t sure how comfortable I’d ever be introducing him as an extension of myself – my boyfriend, my partner, my person. To be honest when I first met him, he was so nice and positive and full of life that I thought he was gay and I guess a part of me was self-conscious that other people would think that too. Would think “Here we go again, Jean’s picking a guy that will never work out…”  Basically it boiled down to all my concerns about him, were really issues of perception and taking too much stock in what others would think. Over the past three weeks I’ve focused on what I think, what I feel, and I have to admit – there’s a lot to be said for the “nice guy” and the “younger man”.

When I told my counselor about this guy she told me she was surprised I was giving him a chance. And that she was happy I was. For one thing she’s a huge proponent of a younger man for me as a sexual match. Secondly she told me how impressed she was that I don’t wallow. She said she’s started to really look forward to when I come in for my monthly session because I always have something new to talk about, I’m never stuck like so many of her other clients. And she liked that I was putting myself out there again, especially with someone I refer to as being “too nice” because it was time for me stop giving my time and attention to the assholes of the world. Fair.

So here I am three weeks later – I’m happy. And I’m having fun. And I’m spending a lot of time with him. And having a lot of great sex (NOT gay, soooo not gay). I deleted Bumble, my dating app. And I didn’t even cringe when I heard him refer to me as his girlfriend.

And more than all that, I’m realizing that relationships aren’t really as hard as I always thought they were. A few months ago, when I was talking about the roller coaster that was the last guy, a friend of mine told me that she never understood why people say relationships are so hard. She told me that she feels the opposite. That relationships, the healthy ones, the right ones, are easy. That doesn’t mean she and her husband don’t have challenges, or don’t have to work on things, but that at the end of the day the relationship part – the loving each other and showing that love – is easy. And if it’s not, it’s probably not the right partner. I didn’t really understand that until now. Honestly the last month has been so easy. Once I stopped over-thinking and realized there’s a difference between caring about the perception of others (a bad thing) and caring what friends think (a good thing) I realized I was really enjoying myself. I found I was attracted to him, VERY attracted to him. And I enjoyed his company. And as I’ve slowly met his friends I’ve enjoyed them too. And I like that when I think of him, I’m not confused by his intentions or what he wants, I just smile and know that he likes me. He wants me.

This past week has been a challenge. I’ve had very long days at work followed by several evenings at the hospital sitting with a friend, all while dealing with a bulging disc in my back. Suffice it to say housekeeping has fallen to the wayside. The other night he stayed over and I left for work before him. When I got home that night I came back to the trash taken out (bag replaced even), the living room picked up, the dishwasher unloaded, the bathroom sink cleaned (it was getting pretty gross in my neglect), the bed made AND the cat box cleaned. THE CAT BOX CLEANED. All this and a sweet note written on the bathroom mirror in dry erase marker that read “I hope you had FANTASTIC day”. Swoon.

This morning he woke up and went to the grocery store and came back to make me breakfast. A girl could get used to this kind of treatment. That’s why, when I overheard him refer to me as his “girlfriend” the other day, I told him I liked it. And that’s how I became the girlfriend of one of the nice guys. So, yeah… I’d say the nice guys are pretty great.

3 thoughts on “In Defense of the Nice Guy

  1. Pingback: I’m back. | The Misadventures of Awkward Jean

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